I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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