Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
