Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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