dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
