I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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