so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
