Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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