I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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