how can u be prego again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
