My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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