i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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