Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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