Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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