I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
