so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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