am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
