And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
