i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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