I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
