I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
