Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
