So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
