Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
