Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
