Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize