I hate your face
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
