So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
