I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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