If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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