i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
