The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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