Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
