I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
