does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
