I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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