Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
