ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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