Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize