She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
