I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
