he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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