you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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