guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
