When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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