mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
