Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize