i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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