Nicole vs. Life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
