even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
