we're blogging at a bar
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
