I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
