Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
