He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
