why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
