Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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