I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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