come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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