I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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