Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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