i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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