Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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