I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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