i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
