Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
