Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
